Consider it PURE JOY my brothers when you face trials of many kinds....

Canon Joy 3-14-12

It's amazing what science can reveal these days. Most likely, if you would have told our parents 30 years ago that someday they would be able to see what their child looked like in the womb, at the ripe old age of 20 weeks they would have taken you for a nutcase. With advances in modern technology we can spy on our little ones quite rightly from the time they are conceived, it's mostly awesome but it can also be stressful. This is a 3D image of our little Canon Joy at just 20 weeks. This is my first child and my first time being pregnant. Kevin and I have been married for over 10 years and have always wanted a family. I never considered that getting pregnant would be all that hard or take all that long, but it was and it did. When we finally became pregnant I never really considered that every ultrasound would result in ominous scenarios of everything that could possibly go wrong with our unborn baby, but it has. From our first ultrasound at 12 weeks with the perinatologist there have been markers for Down Syndrome. It's been a stressful and scary ride and finally on 3-14-12 Canon was diagnosed with Down Syndrom and a congenital heart defect......very scary things for the new parent. I found myself angry, terrified, sad and worried, what did Down Syndrome really mean? What did the heart defect mean? There were so many thoughts that went through my head when we received this diagnosis. Why were Kevin and I being robbed of the "joy" of being pregnant with our first baby? 

The day I lost my youngest sister in a car accident was the hardest day of my life and the day we learned of Canon's diagnosis was the second hardest. That day I felt like I lost a child too, the one I had dreamed of having, and I felt SO guilty for even thinking those kind of thoughts. I've realized over the past couple of weeks though that you can't cure normal; I think that every parent has dreams for their unborn child, and at some point, be it in the womb or later in life those dreams will have to change. Everyday I wake up and God has given me more peace about the daughter I am going to have, everyday I wake up with a little more joy in my heart. I've realized that though our lives will look very different now than we had envisioned, this is the child that we're supposed to have. Regardless of what challenges lay ahead for our family, God will give us the perseverance, strength, love and hope to take them on. Canon still has a lot of growing to do before she arrives and everyday she kicks harder and harder! When we received the news of Canon's diagnosis from our OB we were on the way to see the perinatologist, we were pretty devastated during that drive and about half way to the office Canon just started kicking away, "MOM! Hey Mom!! I am in here and I am going to be OKAY! I am going to be special, I am a FIGHTER, don't you count me OUT!" Feeling her kick inside me reminded me that I'm still going to have a little girl! She's going to have feelings, hopes, dreams and talents and Kevin and I are going to love her and I know as soon as we hold her in our arms she'll be the most beautiful little girl we've ever seen.